Mothers Sink Into Depression and Anxiety but We Don’t Drown

Sometimes us mothers find ourselves sinking.

There are some hard days where we picture ourselves drowning in a pond. Our hand is reaching out, but the cold water consumes our body. We can hardly breathe, and our skin is rough with goosebumps. The weight of the water is almost enough to topple us over. And we remain there all day trying to catch our breath. At times we do, but then the water surges around us once more, and we’re struggling again. 

Because mothers sink.

We sink into the throes of depression, where it’s hard to motivate out of bed. Where we feel off and can't pinpoint why. It could be because we’ve been repeating the same day and tasks every day without a break. It could be that we’re alone all day, and it's isolating. It could be that we’re exhausted. But we feel an inexplicable void. 

So, mothers sink. 

We sink into anxiety, where we’re constantly worrying about everything. It’s so easy to let our anxiety loose when we love our children so much. We worry about them getting picked on at school, falling down the stairs, choking on a grape. The monster in our heads keeps us worried about the monsters in this world because there are too many dangerous paths and people.

So, mothers sink.

And when we sink, we withdraw. We won’t contact our friends because everything we say or do leads us to more self-doubt and insecurity.  And we don’t have the emotional strength to add that “potentially awkward” conversation as something else to feel bad about. 

Because mothers sink.

“Are you okay?” We shout to the back of the car to check on our children while driving, even though we’re the ones halfway underwater. Because it's our job to protect them and check on them, even when we’re down.

We’re sinking, but we feel guilty. Because we have an inner-voice chirping about how grateful we should be. And we know we’re lucky.

But we still sink, but our children's love pulls us out of bed, 

to the playground,

through the daily tasks.

And that love’s why mothers sink at times but never drown.